Monday, October 22, 2012

Pump Anticipation

The surprising first words out of your mouth one morning a few weeks ago?
"I wanna pump."
How in the HECK do you even know what that is?
Sometimes I think your spirit just knows what to tell me,
knows what is best for your little body.
You have to voice it to knock me upside the head and get me to listen.

We had done the saline trial, but it was the same horrific weekend when you ended up in the ER with the stomach flu.  Needless to say, it wasn't a great trial.  BUT, you were introduced to it and Dad and I at least were convinced that you wouldn't yank it off and pull the site out every two seconds.  In fact, you were amazing with it. 
So we ordered one.
Supposed to get it on Nov. 20
So why is it that I'm having such a hard time with it? 
One mom I met said having her T1D child attached to a tube all the time just screamed, "Sick kid here!"
That sort of stuck with me.
Not sure I like that idea. 
Especially when I'm trying SO hard to allow you to live a "normal life". 
I don't want the curious eyes and the pity of strangers.
Because I don't want you to be labeled.
"The sick one."
"The one who could suddenly go into seizures or a coma if he doesn't eat enough."
"The one who has to be pricked every 20 min if he runs around at the park with the other kids."
I don't want any of it.
But it is when you voiced your desire, (whether or not you fully understood that desire at 2) that I realized that it's not about me.  And it's not about those curious, pitiful eyes.
It's about you.
What is best for you.
I am taking a jump and hoping it is the pump.
My hope is that it will help level you out from having such outragously fluctuating numbers.
That it will allow me to bolus in such minute increments that you can eat virtually anything.
Grazing will be allowed again! Imagine! (withing reason of course)
I won't have to turn down the Smarties offered to you by the grocery story clerk, making both she and I feel horrible when I have to explain that you have diabetes--I'd just simply type in the carbs! Wallah!
I can bolus you through a remote without you even knowing-Ha! Amazing!
Best part?
No shots.
Because lets face it, although you are great with them, you also hate them.
And so do I.
So here's to another change
only months after the drastic change of diabetes has brought to our lives.
But can we wait four weeks?
How many more shots between now and then?
Only 140-ish
We can do it, right?
Until then,
let's both find patience with the pokes!


  1. You both are going to do great on the pump. I was dx at age 2 (in 93) and must say my life (and my mom´s) would have been so much easier with the pump during those toddler years... Been pumping for the last 8 years and love it, it´s sooooo liberating... I know they have those really cute pump packs for kids! Also if by any reason you would like the pump not to show (or to prevent the tubing from being tangeled and pulled(out) during activity you can sew in little pockets to the inside of his pants or t-shirts then no tubing no pump is visible (though there will be a "bump" due to the size of the pump)