Guided

As we begin down this diabetic road, I can't tell you how many times I've felt guided by an unseen power.  And I've learned to trust it.

Saturday was a crazy day.  I had helped your sisters with the parade they were dancing in.  It was hot and we were gone all morning.  By the time we returned, it was afternoon.  You had been outside with dad, working on the yard like you so enjoy doing, but at first glance, I knew you were ready for something to eat.  Your face was flushed and you weren't acting like yourself (just slightly grumpy).  Sure enough, upon testing, you were under your target level.  I got you lunch and got you ready for your nap.

As I got you ready, I noticed how tired you looked and just knew you'd fall asleep immediately.  I didn't worry about your BG because you had just eaten.  Several minutes after I put you down, I noticed you were still making noise in your bed.  Weird.  You should be falling right asleep.  I took a shower and still heard noises in your room afterward.  Then I got that feeling.  I decided to just check your BG to see where you were.  By the time I went downstairs to grab the meter and back up to your room, you had fallen asleep.  I tested you.  41?  41!!!  I raced downstairs, grabbed you a juice and stuck the straw in your sleeping mouth.  I felt relieved when you started to drink.  I told Daddy and he and the girls jumped into the action.  Alli grabbed some Skittles at my request and Dad came upstairs to help me.  You were out of it.  Within minutes, however, and as soon as that sugar got into your bloodstream you were jumping out of Dad's arms and running around the room.  Amazing.  We would forgo the nap that day.

Here's what gets me.  What if I hadn't have acted on that prompting, that Mother's intuition?  What if I just said, "Oh, he's 2, sometimes it takes him some time to fall asleep.  He's ok."  And, more importantly, how do I inject some of this intuition into your Dad?  I make myself sick thinking about all the "What ifs".  So I won't.  I just know that I'm grateful for those gentle (and sometimes more urgent) reminders.  I personally believe, because of my LDS faith, that these promptings are from a Higher Power, One who really does know, from the Holy Ghost.  I can't explain how grateful I am for that. I have learned to trust it more over the last few weeks than I ever have before and I will continue to act as each prompting comes.  I believe it may be the only way to keep you safe, since there is no way for you to tell me when you are low.

These lows are so hard for me right now.  I'm trying to be patient through this stage of it all, but this honeymooning ain't no honeymoon, Sweetie!  I think there are days, like Saturday for instance, that your body will produce insulin, so when I give insulin, it is as if I'm giving you a double dose.  There is no way to know for certain when that will happen.  Friday, only the day before, you were running extraordinarily high.  I suppose that was a day where your body decided to produce nothing.  The frustrating part is that I have to try to guess what your body will do daily!  Ugh!  Consequently I am testing you much more frequently.  I apologize for that right now.  I don't want to--but until you can let me know that you are feeling low, it is what I have to do.  It won't always be this way.  I hope.

I love you Ty.  I'm so glad you're mine.  We will get through this, as long as we are both patient with the process.