It is hard to believe that only a week ago we took that very first blood-glucose test, you were admitted to Primary Children's Hospital and our world started spinning. So much has happened since then, so much information has been given to us, and yet, you are my same Ty-Ty-- vibrant, full of energy, full of smiles, full of life. And let's not forget full of a hearty appetite! Prior to last week we rarely saw an empty plate for any meal. Now? Well, let's just say I have to guess high and hope your desire to keep eating doesn't outweigh the insulin you were given.
In one week you have had 37 finger pokes and 34 shots (give or take), more than I think I've had in my lifetime. You are so brave. You are my hero.
Went to church today, despite my reservations. I wasn't feeling strong enough to face the ward members and all their hugs and "I'm so sorrys". I wasn't ready to explain the story over and over again. I wasn't ready to try and figure out the nursery snack and what you will be allowed to have. I wasn't ready to say no to you. The only reason you and I went today is because you kept asking to go to church. You love church. So I put my selfishness aside, put on my happy face and walked through those doors. I knew I was in trouble when the first person stopped me. Tears were just going to have to be permitted today. So I cried as I told everyone who'd ask that I was doing "fine". I cried when someone would throw their arms around me. I'd cry when I had to recount the story over and over again of how we knew something was wrong, how much weight you'd lost, and how you're doing today. All the while, there you were, running afoot, squealing and laughing, unaware that anything in your life has changed whatsoever. So what's my problem.
Our sweet bishop pulled me aside in the hall today. He is concerned about me, about Todd, about our callings being too burdensome at this time. Bishop Fluhman explained how his sister was diagnosed at the age of 2 and he got tearful as he recalled the burden it was to his mother--the burden that it is so raw with me right now. Because Kendra just got into the Young Women's program and I love working with the girls her age so much, I told him to give us both Todd and I a few weeks to decide if our callings are too heavy right now. I was so grateful for an understanding, inspired Bishop who loves us and speaks for the Lord, words of comfort to our healing hearts. This afternoon, he knocked on our door, handed me an envelope and said, "I had some thoughts. We love you." Here are his thoughts:
Todd and Melody,
I was sitting in the Beehive/Laruel lesson today and, when asked about our favorite scriptures, immediately had this one come to me. It struck me while reading it--powerfully--that it most especially applies to you right now:
"I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my Spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you, to bear you up." (D&C 84:88)
I am heartened by my conviction that you are emphatically not alone. I suspect that you'll look back on this period and remember the burdens, keenly, but also the treasured evidences of divine presence. My prayer is that seen and unseen hands will bear you up and give you strength. I trust that angels hover over Ty already.
I love your family.
In love, faith, and settled conviction,
I've had the thought, and not only once, that my father is indeed one of those heavenly angels hovering around Ty and around me and my entire family right now. He is aware of our situation and is involved. I know it. As is our Heavenly Father. How grateful I am for that knowledge.