Your levels were all over the place today. You woke up lower, 76 but then at one point in the day, you were 265! I know I am partly to blame. I have been sick and the cold medication I took last night lasted clear into this morning, so much so that I wasn't able to wake up at the usual time and test/feed you at the usual time. I only woke up when Grandma called. Then I heard you happily talking away in your crib. It was a pleasant sound. It told me you were alright.
But then I tested you. I immediately gave you a Juicy Juice to bring you up within range, then started to plan breakfast and prepare the insulin. All the time I was groggy, not feeling great. It wasn't until I had given you the shots and you were 10 minutes into your meal that I realized my math was off for your breakfast! So I needed to give you another shot, 1/2 unit. I drew up a full unit. See? Fuzzy. Bad cold medicine. Luckily I noticed my blunder before I gave it to you. Ugh. I was so mad at myself. And that is how our day started.
Kendra got home from girls' camp and you were so excited to see "Jawa". You stuck to her like glue, bringing your snack to sit by her on the couch. It was so, so cute.
You gave me a scare today. Just before lunch, I was changing your diaper when I noticed you seemed tired. I asked you if you were tired and you said, "Yah." It was time to test. I carried you downstairs and positioned you on the counter as usual, and proceeded to get the meter out. You laid down on the counter. You never do that. You looked a little glossed-over, like you were going to pass out. I asked if you were okay and you just stared. Panic button pushed at this point, I grabbed a juice box and made you drink it. Hands shaking, I tested. 143. Huh? So then I was mad at myself for panicking. Could it be the cold medication again? Is my judgement that off? How could I have been so wrong? So I waited 15 minutes like they told us to do at the hospital, then tested again. 147. Now I was really confused. Wouldn't the juice have brought your levels up more than that? It certainly shot them up from 76 to 127 in a matter of minutes this morning! So what was going on here?
I called Dad and he was cool and collective as he usually is. He made me feel better, especially with the last thing he told me. He said, "Don't question yourself. You are there and see him. As his mother you will be guided. You followed your instinct and that will be right the majority of the time." I had to add "except when I'm on cold meds!" I think it was a good reminder. So much of what lies ahead will come down to instinct. What will be the best dosage? Are you really feeling low even when you can't tell me? It's just so hard to live each day in that state of panic, wondering if you are going to suddenly crash. It's not good on my heart.
We decided to venture out today. I've been keeping you pretty close to home because leaving just gives me anxiety. We took the family to dinner--ended up at Paradise Bakery. Can you believe that even though they are advertising a poster for the upcoming "Find a Cure for Diabetes Walk-a-thon", they don't carry the nutritional information for their food? How does that support your local diabetic? So,we had to guess onthe carbs. [Enter stress once again.] How are we supposed to know? It's so nice when everything is all mapped out on a nice little side label on every package. But I know that it won't be possible much of the time. Dad and I did the best we could, gave you your shots (I hated doing that in public) and you were blissfully happy eating your food, especially the divine chocolate chip cookie for dessert! I think we must have guessed pretty close because your level at bedtime tonight was pretty close to your dinner levels. We even went to Trafalga afterward and let you run and play like crazy with all your brothers and sisters. We all came home tired. It made me feel like a good mom. If I can find my bravery again, maybe I'll venture out next week too. Maybe.